actually, I'm a sock model
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
