Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
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it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I touched a dick in church today
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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