FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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