I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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