wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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