just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
