Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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