i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
