I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
