made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
did i walk over a car last night?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
