At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
