Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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