"it" just moved
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
