I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Can Purell be used as lube?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
