Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
