it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
