There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
