my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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