Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
