You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
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Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
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In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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