i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
