just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize