fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
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