My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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