I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You made out with two different species that night
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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