just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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