People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
