Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
