the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
