Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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