I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
