She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
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He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize