I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He shit in the fireplace
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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