I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
