I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
