i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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