we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
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don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
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she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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