did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
