Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
