i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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