Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
