you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
