the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You have to summon your inner elephant
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
