Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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