i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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