in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
