He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
