You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
