Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
