Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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