i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
