fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
