my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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