What a fucking waste of an outfit
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
