Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
