if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
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