omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
