he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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