he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
