Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
