I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
