theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
