If i come over, it means nothing
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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