it wasn't lemon gatorade
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
