I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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