also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
