I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
