before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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