The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
