made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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