I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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