I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
