i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
