So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
