When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
