A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
