you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
