Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
