Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
