...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So squirting runs in the family.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
