Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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