shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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