it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
